My Face

Ok, so here's my twopenn'orth on the no-make-up-selfie debate.

Some people feel that it has nothing to do with cancer or cancer awareness and is therefore pointless. As far as that goes, I think it makes as much sense as the thing about the colour of your underwear a few years ago. And to be fair, it does at least seem to have got people talking about the subject of cancer. Many people are donating to cancer charities and posting useful cancer information as well.

Apparently, the thing actually started as a campaign for women to be sponsored to go out in public without make-up. It's certainly easier to see the sense of that - although, as I say, I can see that good things have come from the facebook trend as well.

So my general verdict is that it's something that is doing some good, both in raising awareness and in raising funds to help finally beat cancer.

* * * *

But you know what strikes me most about the actual phenomenon as it appears on Facebook?

We are seeing women's faces. Their actual, real faces. And I think that that in itself is a very positive thing.

Practically every single ad break on TV contains at least one advert telling women that they need to change something about their appearance - often several of the beastly things. The world has sold us the lie that we need to cover our faces with paint in order to be acceptable. It has stolen our self respect, and sold it back to us at the price of cosmetics. And hair products. And anti-wrinkle creams. And goodness knows what else!

But now, we are seeing women's faces. Real, human faces. And I love it. 

What troubles me is that in almost all the ones I've seen, the lady in question has felt it necessary to apologise for her face in some way. Or to add a derogatory description of herself in the picture - some kind of put-down against herself.

I can understand this - it has taken me 41 years to learn to love my own face. But now, finally, I do. I love my own face, because it IS my face. 

MY face. 

It doesn't have to conform to any of the bizarre and unrealistic expectations placed upon it by the world. It is MY FACE, and I have decided that I like it.

* 

Ladies - you do NOT have to apologise for your face! It is NOT "hideous". It will NOT "break anybody's computer". It will NOT "traumatise" anybody.

It is YOUR FACE. A real, human face. It does not need to be covered up with paint in order to be acceptable. It does not need to look like anybody else's face, and it certainly doesn't need to look like the photoshopped pictures in magazines and on adverts!

It does not need anything added or taken away. It is YOUR FACE.

We are all on a journey about these things, and I hope anyone who reads this will understand that I respect wherever you may be on that journey. As I say, it's taken me 41 years to get this far! And I'm not all the way there yet.

But I do urge you all to think about this stuff - about why you felt the need to apologise for your face (if you did so). About why you feel that your own face, just as it is, is not something the world should see.

I would also urge you to turn the sound off and go make a cup of tea when the ad breaks come on.

And thank you - each and every one of you - for 

letting us see your real, human face!

Of Prisoners and the Flight of Birds

Photo credit: iStockphoto.com/guifucile

I love to watch the sparrows outside my window. They hop around in the overgrown hedge at the front of the house, and in the overgrown elderberry tree at the back, pecking at the seeds and berries, chirruping and chattering to one another - soaring, squabbling, singing, living. Their song is rather like their flight path - graceful little swoops of joy.

I never really noticed the beauty of a sparrow's flight before last spring. You see, because of my health problems, it's now been about a year and a half since I managed to get outside the house; but being stuck indoors all the time has given me a greater appreciation for the small bits of the world that I can see - like the garden, and the bit of riverbank that's visible between the other houses. And I'm always grateful that one of my windows faces the sunset.

In some ways, these glimpses of freedom can be painful. I long to go out on that riverbank, like I used to. I long to be able actually to see how big the sky is! At times, my heart physically aches with these longings for things that seem so close - yet for me, they might as well be a world away.

But still, I can watch the sparrows. I can watch the sunsets. I can watch those little bits of the world that I can see - those little bits of life.

I suppose that Facebook, Twitter and even Pinterest are similar things for me. Blogs, too. I can see what my friends are up to. The part of their lives that they choose to share provides another window on the world for me.

As I read about their adventures, big and small - their challenges and joys and problems and successes - it lets me see beyond my own, enclosed little life. And yes, I wish that I could do some of the things that they're doing. And sometimes there's an ache in that. But at the same time, it helps me to see beyond that ache - beyond the things that I currently cannot do.

It helps me to see beyond myself.

So thank you, everyone who shares on social media! Thank you, everyone who blogs! You may not realise that you make a difference to anyone, but you do. You may not think that your little flight is anything exceptional, but I promise you, there's a beauty in it that others can see.

Thank you all for sharing your lives. Thank you for letting me watch you live. :)
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And Can It Be?

When things are tough, it's easy to lose sight of the basics of our faith. What Jesus went through to make us His own is our grounding for everything else in life. It's because of this that we can settle in our hearts, once and for all, that God is good, and that His love will never let us go. 

'Tis mercy all! Immense and free! :')

Seasons

At the Keswick Convention 2009, I attended a seminar which gave me a new take on Psalm 23 - that the psalm shows the seasons of life, and that understanding what season you're in helps you to get the most out of life. I have found this line of thought very helpful, and it forms the basis for this blog post.

SEASONS OF PEACE AND PLENTY

'He makes me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside quiet waters;

He restores my soul.' (vv. 2-3a)

If you're wondering what happened to verse one - bear with me, all will be revealed!

Anyway, these are the times when we get built up, healed and restored; the times of rest and refreshing. It's interesting that this is the season that comes first. This may be the same principle as that of Genesis 1, when God created humans on the last day of the week and then gave them a day off! We are to work from rest, rather than rest from work.

(Some people teach that this is the only season we should expect. In my last post, I explained why I don't agree with that view.)

It occurs to me that this 'season' equates quite well to summer - a time when everything is lush and green - a time of 'holiday'.

SEASONS OF BLESSING AND BREAKTHROUGH

'He guides me in paths of righteousness

For His name's sake.' (v. 3b)

The seminar suggested that these are the seasons when we give out, in service and ministry. These are times of fruitfulness, breakthrough and fulfilment; the times when we are really moving in our giftings, and perhaps discovering new ones. Notice that the shepherd is still with us, guiding us into the paths He wants us to take.

This season, then, would be autumn - a time labour and of fruitfulness. This is a time when we can truly bring glory to God.

SEASONS OF DARKNESS AND DANGER

'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.' v. 4

These are the dark times, when it's hard to see ahead. These are the times when we have more questions than answers, and it can be difficult to see what God is doing; the times when we may feel that God is distant, or has forgotten about us altogether - perhaps even that He is punishing us in some way. (He is not, incidentally! There are times when He needs to discipline us, but punishment is a different thing, altogether.)

Obviously, this is the worst season to be in, and no one looks forward to it. The fact that God allows such seasons means that they are necessary, and in my last post, I talked about some of the things that He may be accomplishing through these times.

And again, I have to say that the key to surviving these seasons is that He is with us! We may feel that He is distant, but He is not; He is closer than ever, feeling every second of our pain with us, suffering with us. The care of the Shepherd - His 'rod and staff' - are still there for us, right in the middle of the dark valley. That is why we do not need to fear, even at the worst of times. 

As I understand it, the 'staff' would be the shepherd's crook, to guide the sheep; but the 'rod' is the shepherd's weapon, to protect the sheep. He will guide us, even when we cannot see in the darkness; and even when things are at their darkest, He is warding off worse things from coming near us.

Clearly, this one is winter - it's dark, cold and apparently barren - but the trees are not really dead, they are simply dormant; and when the leaves are stripped away by the storms, you see where their true strength lies.

SEASONS OF DEFENCE AND FAVOUR

'You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.' (v. 5)

The seminar didn't cover this, but it seems to me that the psalm shows a fourth season: a time of vindication and honour. There are still enemies present (unlike in the 'rest' season, where none are in sight) - but they can't touch you in this season. It seems to be a time of blessing, abundance and protection. 

I think these are the times when God shows others that you truly are His servant, and under His care. If the other seasons occur in this life, I think it's fair to expect a few of these seasons as well.

This must be spring - not quite the full rest and plenty of summer, but the promise of new beginnings and blessing to come after the ordeal of winter. 

A YEAR WITH THE SHEPHERD

'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want' (v. 1)

'Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life.

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.' (v. 6)

It seems to me that verses 1 and 6 bookend the psalm with the sense of God as our provider. The Shepherd is always with us, throughout all the seasons - leading us into peaceful places and causing us to rest; guiding us into fruitfulness; protecting, guiding and comforting us in darkness; protecting, providing and honouring after the darkness passes. The recurring themes are His guidance, provision and protection.

Last year was truly a 'valley of death' season for me. There were times when I wanted to die just so that the pain would stop. In the words of the Apostle Paul, I was 'under great pressure, far beyond my ability to endure, so that I despaired of life itself' (2 Cor. 1:8). (Incidentally, this blog is the only place I have publicly acknowledged a part of how bad things were - only my closest friends and family know the full truth.) There were times when I couldn't see how I was going to get through, but God never failed to guide me into the next step forward, even when it was too dark in my life to see where that step would land me.

And now, the darkness is passing - far more quickly than I had dared to hope it might! I seem to be moving into the next season. I am very, very grateful to be in a time of protection, though my 'enemy' is still lurking on the borders, and as yet, public vindication has not come - but that lies in the hands of my Shepherd.

I am grateful that times of blessing and fruitfulness lie ahead - but at the same time, I am aware that other seasons of darkness will come. They are necessary. And to be honest, that scares me quite a lot. But my Shepherd got me through this dark valley - even through the times when I didn't believe that there was a way through! - and I know that He will guide and protect me through any other valleys that lie before me.

Whatever season you may be in, gentle reader, I hope and pray that you will know and feel the comfort, guidance and protection of your Shepherd, who never, ever leaves you.

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Be Careful What You Wish For...

When we say that we want to know Jesus better, or that we want to be more like Him, I wonder if we really understand what we're saying.

People who rely heavily on Proverbs and the like tend to say that if you live a life of obedience, you will be blessed. And that is part of the truth - God does bless us, wonderfully. But it is not the whole truth, and to believe that it is, you will need to rip out large swathes of your Bible. Job is one book that springs to mind, and some of the Psalms, and parts of Ecclesiastes - not to mention a lot of the prophet books! The prophets were faithful to God when no one else was, yet often suffered horrendously.

And then, there's the New Testament. Look at the lives - and deaths! - of the Apostles. Did that happen because they were unfaithful to God? Of course not! Quite the reverse, in fact. The New Testament teaches that suffering can happen as a direct result of righteousness.

SUFFERING AS CHRISTIANS
Jesus warned the Apostle Paul that he would suffer for the His name (Acts 9:16) - and boy, did he! (2 Cor. 4:8-12). Jesus warned His disciples that they would have tribulation/persecution in the world (John 16:1-4, 33). Paul warned that everyone who wants to live a godly life should expect persecution (2 Tim. 10-12).

In fact, the New Testament is littered with references to suffering for righteousness. I won't attempt an exhaustive list, but here are a few: Rom. 8:35-39; 2 Cor. 1:3-11; 2 Cor. 11:23-29; Phil. 3:7-16; 1 Thess. 1:6-2:8; 2 Thess 1: 5-7; 2 Tim. 2:3-15; Heb. 10:32-36; Heb. 11:35b-38; James 5:10-11; 1 Pet. 1:6-7; 1 Pet. 2:20-25; 1 Pet. 3:14, 17-19; 1 Pet. 4:12-14... enough to be going on with?

WHY?
Why does God allow this to happen to us? I don't want to be glib about this; I know that the things I personally have suffered are nothing compared to what other people suffer, even amongst people I know. But I want to share some of the stuff that has helped me, in the hope that other people may perhaps find it helpful, too.

Last year, things got so bad at one point that I actually did wonder if God was a sadist; and when I was in that place of uncertainty, life did not seem worth living.

What clinched it for me, and brought me back to a place of hope - or at least of hoping that hope would come - was the Cross. What Jesus went through for me and you - not just physically, but carrying the weight of guilt for all human wrong doing - I can't even imagine the suffering involved in that. You don't go through all that for someone just so that you can torment them. You just don't. Where would be the sense?

So if the answer is not that God wants us to suffer, there must be another explanation.

Purpose
One of the most helpful things for me was the idea that my suffering could help others. This idea is mentioned in a number of the passages above, perhaps most notably 2 Cor. 1:4. So if I suffer, and I then help, say, 10, 20, 30 people in similar situations - if my suffering bears fruit, so that others suffer less - then that makes what I went through worthwhile. It has to.

Another idea that helped me a lot was that of entering into the sufferings of Christ. This is also mentioned in several of the references already given. That famous passage in Philippians 3 about 'counting everything as loss for the sake of Christ' and 'pressing on towards the goal' - it all hinges, I believe on verse 10: "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the sharing of His sufferings by becoming like Him in His death..." (emphasis mine).

Do you see that there is a connection between the suffering and the becoming like Him? And there's a connection between the becoming like Him and the knowing - how are we to know the power of His resurrection unless we first experience being like Him in His death?

Which is where we came in. That's what I mean when I say that we pray to know Jesus better and to be more like Him, perhaps without understanding quite what we are asking.

Being Prepared
The early Church was taught to expect these things. We, very often, are not. We are told that if we do right, everything will be lovely and nothing bad will happen to us. And we pray to know Jesus better and to be more like Him - and then, when He does what we asked, our world turns upside down and we become confused, because we were not taught what to expect! 

Is it any wonder that new Christians fall away? We have not been fair to them or done right by them. We have converted them, but we have not taught them what it means to be a disciple. Being a disciple means being prepared to follow your Master wherever He goes, and to be treated as He was (John 15:18-20). It means entering into His life, and being prepared to enter into His death (Mark 8:34-37). Jesus laid that down, right at the very founding of the Christian faith.

SO WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
Well, firstly, this life is not all there is! 
That is not always the most comforting thought when you're right in the middle of something very painful, because heaven and the 'Age to Come' seem a long way away, and you have to live through this now. And I don't mean to belittle anyone's suffering even a tiny bit - not for a second; but the fact is that there is a lot more of eternity than there is of this life! And when we get there, we will know that it was worth it. We may not understand it all now, but one day we will. And then the pain will stop forever, and all tears will be wiped away.

Secondly, there are times and seasons.
I wanted to say more about this, but I've already gone on longer than I meant to, so I'll do that as a separate post tomorrow. For now, suffice to say that even in this life, it's not all suffering! There are good times, too. I know some people who are due some good times, and I'm praying that those seasons will open up for them.

Thirdly, and by no means least - knowing Jesus is the best thing in the world.
I am absolutely convinced of this. Even now in this life, with all the sufferings and pain, there is nothing that compares with knowing Jesus. There is comfort, peace and joy in knowing Him that cannot be had any other way. And those things are available to us, even at the worst of the bad times. I'm not saying that they're always easy to tap into, and I know I haven't always managed it - so please believe me that I don't mean look down on anyone who isn't in that place right now. But the great hope we have is knowing that they are there and available to us. And He will help us to find them if we let Him.

Finally, we are never alone.
Whatever we are going through, Jesus never, ever asks us to do it alone. I posted a little while ago about Jesus enduring our suffering with us (see post: 'God WITH Us'). That's the flip-side of us entering His sufferings - He also enters into ours. He lives through it all with us. First He suffered for us, to make us His own; now He suffers with us, because we are His own. That is why nothing can separate us from His love (Rom. 8:35-39) - because He chooses to go through it all with us!

All of this is why I love my Jesus! There is no one in the universe like Him. There is no love in the universe like His love. And I could not do without Him.

God WITH us!

The Apostle Paul tells us that some people see certain days as more important than others, while other people see each day as of equal importance. He says it doesn't matter which you are, as long as you're settled in your own mind and respect those who disagree (Romans 14:5-6).

I have to say that I am really in the latter group. I mean, I like Christmas, I enjoy it, but for me, God becoming a human being is just as important every other day of the year as it is on the 25th of December. That doesn't mean that Christmas doesn't have meaning. It's just that that meaning carries over the whole year.

But I suddenly feel that this 'meaning of Christmas' is coming home to me in a new way. A way that goes beyond (in a sense) the knowledge that God came to earth as a human being - though I don't mean to diminish the enormity of that for a moment. That alone would have been a staggering thing for Him to do. But that alone was not enough for Him.

God became a human being and lived a genuine human life. He showed that it can be done right. Then He chose to die a horrible death, carrying the guilt of all our wrong doing so that we wouldn't have to. And then He rose from the dead, proving that even death itself had no power over Him! Staggering, awesome, life-changing stuff! But even that wasn't enough for Him!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Isaiah's prophecy (Isaiah 7:14) about Jesus calls Him "Immanuel", which means "God with us". It's this "God with us" that is taking on a new and deeper meaning for me.

We know that it means that God entered into human experience. But I believe it goes even deeper than that. God with us. God with us. Entering into human experience was not enough for Him. He enters into our individual experience. Right here, right now.

When Jesus sent 'the Comforter', the Holy Spirit (John 13:15-29), God came to 'make His home with us' (v. 23). That means God entering into our lives. Our real lives. That means God entering into all our individual personal crap. God entering into our whole experience of living. When we hurt, He doesn't just sympathise (though He does that too) - He feels that hurt. He lives through it with us.

There are lots of songs about God 'watching' us or 'looking down on us', and that is true, and many of them are great songs. But it is only a piece of the truth. It's not just "God above all my hopes and fears" (though I love that song!) - it's God in our hopes and fears. It's God living through that with us. It's not just God looking down on our storm, it's Jesus in the boat with us, feeling the lashing of the wind and rain. It's Jesus walking on sea, and reaching out to save us when we begin to sink.

When God asks us to endure things in this life, it isn't just on the basis of what He did for us 2000 years ago - although the immensity of that alone cannot be properly put into words! It's on the basis of what He is doing right now. Because He doesn't just ask us to endure these things - He endures them with us!

Last night, a friend and I were saying how we had lost faith in "one day" - that vague future time when everything gets better. But Jesus is with us now, in this day - right in the thick of it. Right in the middle of the hurt and confusion, God is with us! He is experiencing it too. I may not be able to see "one day" with any clarity, but I can believe in this day!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

For me, this is a big and vital part of the meaning of Christmas, and Easter, and the coming of the Holy Spirit: that Jesus went through all that, not only to save us from our sin and our sinful nature - even the enormity of that undertaking was not enough for Him! His love demanded more: the restoration of full communion with us. He suffered for us, partly so that He could go on to suffer with us. He wanted to come close to us in our sufferings; so close that He partook in them.

I believe this what He means when He says (John 13:27) that He leaves His peace with us: He leaves Himself with us, through the Holy Spirit. With us. This is not as the world gives - how could it? Only God Himself can come that close to any of us; can give Himself so completely. This is why our hearts do not need to be troubled or afraid. This is the wonderful 'togetherness', with Himself and the Father through the Holy Spirit, that he promises us (John 13:18-20). We will never be left alone again. Not ever.

There are no words to describe the staggering Grace of all this. I could pile it high with adjectives and superlatives, and it wouldn't make a dint. What did I ever do, that the perfect King of the Universe should enter into my little life in that way? What could I ever do to repay it or make it worth His while? The answer to both questions is, of course: nothing. But incredibly, He thinks it is worth His while!

The Grace of God is just so BIG! The more you learn about it, the bigger it gets! And there is ALWAYS more to learn!

"Thank you" is a woefully inadequate phrase with which to respond; but it's the best one we've got.

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The Door of Hope

For the last two or three days, I have had a real sense of peace; the kind of peace that makes you feel that you can breathe again. All the tension goes out of you, and you just relax into it. It's like God, as your Dad, gives you a big hug that makes you feel that everything will be ok after all. I have even felt stirrings of joy again.

It came on quite suddenly. I found myself in a place of acceptance again, a place where I was able to let go of the questions that have tortured me for the last few months. What happened happened, and things are the way they are.

Sadly, part of that was having to let go of my attempts to justify or excuse the person who hurt me. That doesn't mean going to the other extreme and giving way to anger and resentment. It just means accepting things as they are. There are still unanswered questions, but I feel that I can live with them now. I feel that it's ok not to know.

All in all, I feel that God is bringing me back to the place I had reached when I came home from my time away. He is restoring my soul again. :')

Hosea 2:15 tells us that God can make the 'Valley of Achor' (Achor means trouble) into a 'door of hope'. Even in our darkest times, He can take our situation and turn it around. There is no valley too dark for God's hope and love to shine into. :)

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Just the Next Step

This song ("Watch Over Me" by Aaron Shust) pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Things are still pretty tough - but they ARE getting better, slowly but surely. Some days are still horrid, and I certainly haven't always handled things as well as I might. But some days I feel almost normal, and even sometimes fairly happy.

I am still in the dark valley, but I can see the light at the end. And most important of all, I am not alone for a single step of the way. Jesus is always with me, loving me and supporting me. Even when I can't feel it, I know He's there.

I can't see far ahead, but He gives me enough light to take the next step. Just the next step. It might be a very little step, but as long as I keep taking them, I know that one day I will reach the end of the valley; and then the world will open up before me again.


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What Kermit Taught Me...

The following wisdom is quoted directly from the autobiography of the mighty Kermit the Frog, available from Amazon and all good book shops...




WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT BAD THINGS

BAD THINGS HURT
Sometimes the hurt is physical, as when Gonzo misjudges his motorcycle re-entry trajectory and lands on your instep, or when Miss Piggy inflicts a karate chop to your lower lumbar region. Sometimes the hurt goes deeper, as when someone disappoints you or Miss Piggy lands on your instep. In either case, you must try to heal. Let time pass and the hurt will go away, though you may still walk with a limp.






BAD THINGS DON'T MEAN BAD PEOPLE
We are all capable of causing bad things to happen to others; that does not mean we are bad. Even when someone goes out of his way to make bad things happen to people, that doesn't mean he is bad. (But it does mean it might be a good idea to pretend your cell phone just rang and that you have to rush home right away to feed the cockatoos.) We have to give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive them for the hurt they may cause. But bring your cell phone along, just in case.


ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
There are two ways to react to bad things. The easy way is to get angry, cast aspersions, and generally get in a bad mood about the world and everything in it. For an advanced course in this approach, see Statler and Waldorf's classic guide to curmudgeonliness, "How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Start Blaming You". The other way to react takes a lot more work. You can get over it. That's right; accept it, be happy you survived it, and get past it. Then make every effort to prevent bad things from happening to you and to others. (This includes not standing too close to Statler and Walforf.)


WHY WORRY?
The only thing worse than having something bad happen to you is worrying about it beforehand. Constant fretting can make you afraid to face the world or even get up in the morning. Don't be a worry wart. (Not that there's anything wrong with warts; some of my best friends cause warts.)


IF IT WERE EASY, EVERYONE WOULD BE YOU
Overcoming difficult times is what turns you into "you". I wouldn't be me - for better or worse - if Miss Piggy weren't there to make my life, uh... interesting. Fozzie wouldn't be Fozzie if it weren't for the long, hard trek he has made in his rise to the comedic heights, relatively speaking. And who would Gonzo be if it weren't for his constant violations of the laws of gravity, aerodynamics and common sense? We are often at our best when we're facing our worst situations. Know that when you come out of it, you can be a better you.


From "Before You Leap - a Frog's-Eye View of Life's Greatest Lessons" by Kermit the Frog :)



Release your inner muppet... :)
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More on God's Faithfulness...

I feel that tonight was a bit of milestone. Certainly, it was another outstanding example of God's faithfulness...

It was rather like the last Sunday night that I wrote about (see post "My So-Faithful God"), but even more so. His strength in me came through even stronger, and what, in the natural way of things, should have been an ordeal (it was last week! :S) was miraculously transformed into a peaceful victory - not over a person, you understand, but over circumstances and my own sinful nature.

I felt able to be natural and be myself for most of the evening, and to simply throw myself into the worship and enjoy it without many painful twinges... but it went beyond that. I had been praying that God would help me love "in a Jesus-y way" the person who hurt me and did not do right by me; and tonight, He really helped me to take a significant step along that road. I was able to make a gesture to show that I wasn't harbouring a grudge and that I still wished him well. It was only a small gesture, but it was a start! You might say it was one small step in the natural realm, but a giant leap forward in my walk with God! :'D

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is God at work in me and not 'my own power or goodness'. I know this because of all the times I have failed to do this in my past, including last week! And now I feel quiet and at peace inside, and I know that this, too, is God. Whatever other people may do to let us down or mess us about, He never does. He is always faithful and constant and utterly reliable. And He can bring out this aspect of His character in us (like all the other aspects) more and more as we walk with Him.

I've also been thinking about all the mercy I have received from God, and I want to be able to extend that to this person as well; I don't want to be like the servant in the parable who was cleared of a huge debt and then went and punished his fellow servant because he owed him a fiver. And again, I know absolutely that it is God who is giving me the strength to start along this path; and His grace is sufficient to keep me on it.

I am also very grateful that God is providing a few weeks of respite for me soon; I shall shortly be going on holiday for 3 weeks - the longest holiday of my life! - and the way the opportunities have all come together so quickly has God's goodness written all over it. The very fact that I can afford it is a small miracle in itself! :D

So basically, I am resting in the love and comfort of my Father, and am immensely grateful for His utterly consistent and amazingly generous goodness to me. :')

A Knight's Tale

Once I built a Castle.
My steed was swift,
And my Sword was bright.
I rode to Adventure and Battle;
I rode for Honour and Valour;
I rode for the Joy of One who called me…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

It has been a long ride…

I have seen many Battles and many Adventures;
And I have met many bandits and wild beasts.
Some have robbed me, and some wounded me;
My Sword has been notched,
And my Castle broken…

But always I have honed the blade and rebuilt;
I have bound up my wounds and ridden onwards,
Scarred but not consumed…

The One who called me led me on;
And in time, I came to a Valley of Peace.
I rested by the still waters, and was content.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I met a fellow knight.
A white knight with a good heart.
I admired his courage and his gentleness.
I admired his strength in the One who called us.
It seemed that we would ride together…

We would share our Adventures;
We would face our Battles side by side.
We would build our Castle,
Shining and bright and set upon a hill…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

But the knight was… of many colours;
And he has burnt my Castle.

The splendour of Carmel and Sharon have been taken from me,
And I have met lions in the Way…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I step away from the smouldering ruins.
I set my face to the Sunrise.
For the One who called me calls still…

He steadies my weak knees;
He lifts my feeble hands.
His strength fills my fearful heart, for He comes to save me.

He is the River in my desert;
The parched land will bloom again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I will take up my Sword once more,
And don my armour.
I will still ride for Honour and Valour.
I will be the White Knight.

I will ride again to Adventure and Battle;
Faith is my shield and Joy is my steed.
For the One who calls me is Truth,
And He sets me free from the ruined castle.

He will build my Castle again;
The foundations shall be of sapphires,
And the pinnacles of rubies.
I will enter Zion with singing;
Gladness and Joy will overtake me,
And sorrow and sighing will flee away…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I am the Castle,
Lashed by storms yet comforted;
Anyone who attacks will surrender to me.

I am the Sword,
Forged from disaster to be fit for my work;
No other weapon will prevail against me.

I become the White Knight.

He my Master Builder;
He is my Blacksmith and Hammer and Fire;
He is my Armour and Honour and Valour;
He is my Comfort and my Vindication.

He calls…

And I will follow.

© Ruth Fanshaw 2010
(Composed Saturday 10th July 2010)

**NOTE: I do not own the pictures in this post

My So-Faithful God! :')

Well, God has surpassed Himself tonight. Talk about His grace being sufficient! He has ministered to me so much; He has even spoken to me through the actual pain itself! A lot of it is very personal, so I'm gonna have to have a think and pray about how much of it is appropriate to share here...

For now, suffice to say that He gave me a strength so far beyond my own that it was staggering. And that He has reassured me of His comfort and presence and love and PURPOSE in all of this. I do believe that this pain will bear fruit for the Kingdom and cause others to be spared such pain, and that I can leave a legacy to go on doing this even after I am dead. That is pretty flippin' amazing.

The other thing is that when we go through this kind of stuff, we have the privilege of sharing a little in His sufferings. Phil. 3:10: "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the sharing of His sufferings by becoming like Him in His death..." When we surrender our will to God's will, even if it means accepting pain, we become a little more 'like Him in His death'. And this leads to knowing Him in a deeper way; a fuller intimacy with Him.

"No matter what circumstances come our way - God's grace is sufficient, and He has a purpose for your life... The joy of the Purpose is greater than anything else. God has a plan for you. Move. Stand. Don't compromise." - Nick Vujicic
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Made Again :')

I would never have believed that this could be true for me at such a time in my life... I'm not trying to pretend that I don't have very difficult moments, when the pain becomes very intense - but God always lifts me up again, always sends me something that helps...

So yes, I have been here SO many times before in my life that it's unreal, and this should have been the worst of the lot, but I do see things differently this time because of what God is doing in me...

I do see the beauty in the world, and also in myself... The first couple of days after the Very Horrible Thing happened, whenever I caught sight of myself in a mirror my own eyes scared me, but now I can look at myself and my eyes do look clear and shining and even joyful...

And after the black moments, when God lifts me up again, it IS like waking up from a bad dream to find that the world is wonderful again after all...

Only Jesus can do this!! :')

Watch This and Feel Better! :)

I first saw this video a few weeks before the Very Horrible Thing happened... I have since ordered a couple of this guy's DVDs, and God has really spoken to me through them. I believe God made sure that I had this stuff ahead of time because He knew that the storm was coming, and He knew that I would need them. He made sure I had the weapons in my arsenal before the battle came.

God knows what is coming, and He prepares us for it. And He provides everything we need. And His grace IS sufficient!

Anyway - if you have not already done so, watch the vid, it is one of the best uses of 4 minutes of your life. I promise, you will feel better after seeing this! :)
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