My Face

Ok, so here's my twopenn'orth on the no-make-up-selfie debate.

Some people feel that it has nothing to do with cancer or cancer awareness and is therefore pointless. As far as that goes, I think it makes as much sense as the thing about the colour of your underwear a few years ago. And to be fair, it does at least seem to have got people talking about the subject of cancer. Many people are donating to cancer charities and posting useful cancer information as well.

Apparently, the thing actually started as a campaign for women to be sponsored to go out in public without make-up. It's certainly easier to see the sense of that - although, as I say, I can see that good things have come from the facebook trend as well.

So my general verdict is that it's something that is doing some good, both in raising awareness and in raising funds to help finally beat cancer.

* * * *

But you know what strikes me most about the actual phenomenon as it appears on Facebook?

We are seeing women's faces. Their actual, real faces. And I think that that in itself is a very positive thing.

Practically every single ad break on TV contains at least one advert telling women that they need to change something about their appearance - often several of the beastly things. The world has sold us the lie that we need to cover our faces with paint in order to be acceptable. It has stolen our self respect, and sold it back to us at the price of cosmetics. And hair products. And anti-wrinkle creams. And goodness knows what else!

But now, we are seeing women's faces. Real, human faces. And I love it. 

What troubles me is that in almost all the ones I've seen, the lady in question has felt it necessary to apologise for her face in some way. Or to add a derogatory description of herself in the picture - some kind of put-down against herself.

I can understand this - it has taken me 41 years to learn to love my own face. But now, finally, I do. I love my own face, because it IS my face. 

MY face. 

It doesn't have to conform to any of the bizarre and unrealistic expectations placed upon it by the world. It is MY FACE, and I have decided that I like it.

* 

Ladies - you do NOT have to apologise for your face! It is NOT "hideous". It will NOT "break anybody's computer". It will NOT "traumatise" anybody.

It is YOUR FACE. A real, human face. It does not need to be covered up with paint in order to be acceptable. It does not need to look like anybody else's face, and it certainly doesn't need to look like the photoshopped pictures in magazines and on adverts!

It does not need anything added or taken away. It is YOUR FACE.

We are all on a journey about these things, and I hope anyone who reads this will understand that I respect wherever you may be on that journey. As I say, it's taken me 41 years to get this far! And I'm not all the way there yet.

But I do urge you all to think about this stuff - about why you felt the need to apologise for your face (if you did so). About why you feel that your own face, just as it is, is not something the world should see.

I would also urge you to turn the sound off and go make a cup of tea when the ad breaks come on.

And thank you - each and every one of you - for 

letting us see your real, human face!

Of Prisoners and the Flight of Birds

Photo credit: iStockphoto.com/guifucile

I love to watch the sparrows outside my window. They hop around in the overgrown hedge at the front of the house, and in the overgrown elderberry tree at the back, pecking at the seeds and berries, chirruping and chattering to one another - soaring, squabbling, singing, living. Their song is rather like their flight path - graceful little swoops of joy.

I never really noticed the beauty of a sparrow's flight before last spring. You see, because of my health problems, it's now been about a year and a half since I managed to get outside the house; but being stuck indoors all the time has given me a greater appreciation for the small bits of the world that I can see - like the garden, and the bit of riverbank that's visible between the other houses. And I'm always grateful that one of my windows faces the sunset.

In some ways, these glimpses of freedom can be painful. I long to go out on that riverbank, like I used to. I long to be able actually to see how big the sky is! At times, my heart physically aches with these longings for things that seem so close - yet for me, they might as well be a world away.

But still, I can watch the sparrows. I can watch the sunsets. I can watch those little bits of the world that I can see - those little bits of life.

I suppose that Facebook, Twitter and even Pinterest are similar things for me. Blogs, too. I can see what my friends are up to. The part of their lives that they choose to share provides another window on the world for me.

As I read about their adventures, big and small - their challenges and joys and problems and successes - it lets me see beyond my own, enclosed little life. And yes, I wish that I could do some of the things that they're doing. And sometimes there's an ache in that. But at the same time, it helps me to see beyond that ache - beyond the things that I currently cannot do.

It helps me to see beyond myself.

So thank you, everyone who shares on social media! Thank you, everyone who blogs! You may not realise that you make a difference to anyone, but you do. You may not think that your little flight is anything exceptional, but I promise you, there's a beauty in it that others can see.

Thank you all for sharing your lives. Thank you for letting me watch you live. :)
.

Butterfly Effects

For some time now, I've felt that God has been speaking to me through the metaphor of a butterfly. In fact, so far it's become three distinct metaphors. Allow me to explain.

THE BUTTERFLY OF FUN

I was first introduced to the idea when a very good friend said she felt that a song about a butterfly was meant for me. She even sent me a recording of the song. Here are the lyrics, which I believe to be the work of a lady called Laila Bevan:

Feels like I'm flying like a butterfly

Over the oceans and across the sky

Feels like I'm flying like a butterfly

No mountain is too high

No valley is too deep

My Jesus gave me wings

So I could fly

Now, I admit that to be begin with I didn't quite 'get' this. I mean, the image of an eagle soaring - that I can understand: an image of purpose and destiny. But a butterfly? It seemed to me that all butterflies do is muck about. They flit hither and yon, with no apparent navigational skills whatsoever, pausing from time to time to drink from a flower or two. 

And then I thought: maybe that's the point. Maybe I'm supposed to relax and enjoy the scenery. It's good to enjoy the journey, and from time to time, to stop on a flower and drink in the blessings.

THE BUTTERFLY OF CHANGE

The image was next brought to me through a prophecy. It was a prophecy given to me personally, during my time away last August. The person who gave it had no idea of my circumstances, and certainly no idea that God had spoken to me through butterflies in the past.

As this person was praying for me, he had a mental picture of a butterfly, which he said had beautiful iridescent wings. He said that I may feel sometimes that I'm a caterpillar, but that beauty is inside me - that I have within me the potential of a butterfly.

Now, a caterpillar's transformation into a butterfly is not an easy thing for the caterpillar. Inside its pupa, it gets melted down, and is then remade as the butterfly. And I certainly feel that I have been in state of meltdown recently, but I think I'm just starting to solidify again.

Then, the new butterfly has to fight its way out of the pupa. And no one can do that for the butterfly, because it needs that struggle to strengthen its wings. If it doesn't go through that struggle, it won't be able to fly afterwards.

Another good friend pointed out this last part to me when I told her about it. She even gave me a beautiful necklace: a butterfly with iridescent wings.

THE BUTTERFLY OF STORMS

This third metaphor only came to me recently, while I was reading "Interesting Times" by Terry Pratchett. In his wonderful creation the Discworld, there exists a creature called the Quantum Weather Butterfly (or 'Papilio Tempestae'). Its most outstanding feature, he tells us, is its ability to create weather.

This is, of course, a joke on the famous 'butterfly effect' of Chaos Theory. The image is used to illustrate how tiny and apparently insignificant things can end up being significant after all, because they influence other things, which then influence more things, and so on. For example: a butterfly flapping its wings in Africa could theoretically cause a tornado in Texas, because it moved some air particles, which then moved some other air particles, which moved some more air particles... you get the idea. And who knows where it will all end?

The point is this: small actions can have a knock-on effect that leads to large consequences. Small actions matter. 

And I may be only a tiny butterfly, but when I flap my wings, I can begin to change things. When I reach out to people, when I try to help, when I spread hope - I'm moving some air around. And the people I helped can help others, who can help more people, and so on. Like the ripples when a stone is thrown into a pool, the circle of consequence grows far beyond the original event. It's about paying it forward. 

A small act of love has more power to change the world than we can possibly imagine.

AND SO, DEAR READERS...

Be a Butterfly of Fun! 

- Relax, enjoy the ride, drink in the blessings.

Be a Butterfly of Change! 

- Allow God to transform you, strengthen those iridescent wings and fly!

Be a Butterfly of Storms! 

- Flap those beautiful wings and spread currents of hope.

Make It Matter

This weekend, I went to a women's conference with a very good friend. It was a bit of a blur at the time, especially as I was rather unwell, but I think the dust is beginning to settle now, and as I read through my notes, I find a few things standing out to me.

One biggie is the theme of change - of God initiating a 'new thing', a new season in life. This fitted in with other stuff I believe God has been saying to me lately, much of which I've written about in this blog.

Then there was the concept of the difficult times and the pain bearing fruit and helping others. Again, this followed hard on the heels of what I believe God has already spoken to me, and served as an encouragement and a confirmation. One of the speakers even mentioned 'spiritual children' and helping those who would come after us: in other words, leaving a legacy that can go on helping people even after we're dead.

There were several mentions of recurring problems - of seeming to go round in circles, feeling we'll never reach the point of breakthrough that others around us reach. This may not sound very positive, but it spoke to me strongly. And the points they made in relation to it were very positive: 

• That we need to work through things in order to become the person God created us to be and do the things He has for us to do; 
• That God does have a plan that He's working out, even when we can't see what He's doing; 
• That He is working on our behalf 'beneath the surface' of our lives to bring that plan about, even when we can't see any indication of change.

The main concrete thing that I've brought away from all this is a renewed sense of purpose about writing my self-help book. (I've mentioned this project a few times in this blog.) I feel encouraged that this really is something that God wants me to do, and that it really will help people in their individual lives - and thus contribute to building the Kingdom. Even if I can only do a small thing, God can use that thing to make a difference in the world. 

40 Things I Have Come to Realise

This is doing the rounds on Facebook at the moment. You're supposed to put it in your notes and tag people you think might like to fill one out as well. Anyway, thought I'd share my life wisdom a bit farther abroad! :D

1. I have come to realise that life is complicated, and often messy. REALLY messy.
2. I have come to realise that God is bigger than my pain.
3. I have come to realise that life has times and seasons.
4. I have come to realise that Jesus is always with me, whatever season I am in.
5. I have come to realise that Grace is bigger than we can really take in.
6. I have come to realise that there is always more to learn, and you can learn something from everyone.
7. I have come to realise that God has a Purpose for my life - and everyone else's! - and the joy of that Purpose is greater than anything else. :')
8. I have come to realise that Pizza makes all things good. :)
9. I have come to realise that tea offers a moment of transcendence. Tea is a gift from our Creator! :D
10. I have come to realise that the darkness will pass. Always.
11. I have come to realise that it's good to be an Aunty! :)
12. I have come to realise that it's ok to be single. :) And I'm happy to stay that way for the foreseeable future. :)
13. I have come to realise that heroes are... shall we say, rarer in real life than in fiction? :S
14. I have come to realise that I have a pastoral and teaching gift.
15. I have come to realise that you can do the work of a pastor without having a title - or a salary! :D
16. I have come to realise that I have gained a certain amount of skill as a writer over the years.
17. I have come to realise that I can actually ACHIEVE stuff!
18. I have come to realise that my health will probably always be a problem to some extent.
19. I have come to realise that I would very much like to live in Cornwall. :)
20. I have come to realise that I'm the kind of person who needs to plan in order to get things done.
21. I have come to realise that I like to wear my hair short. :)
22. I have come to realise that I am a very odd person. And that works for me! :)
23. I have come to realise that it is good to be yourself, and that I don't want to be anybody else. :)
24. I have come to realise that there are very few places where I really feel that I belong.
25. I have come to realise that hormones are a pain in the butt. >P
26. I have come to realise that life is a journey.
27. I have come to realise that Literature is wonderful thing. :)
28. I have come to realise that I love writing. Seriously, love it.
29. I have come to realise that music, trees and the ocean feed my soul.
30. I have come to realise that Evony will eat your life if you let it! :D
31. I have come to realise that sometimes life is not fair. It ought to be, but it is not.
32. I have come to realise that not all Christians have well thought out ethics.
33. I have come to realise that on most subjects, disagreement is absolutely fine. :)
34. I have come to realise that I don't have to be good at everything.
35. I have come to realise that I should not allow myself to be used.
36. I have come to realise that gender equality is a Biblical concept.
37. I have come to realise that healing takes time. And lots of it.
38. I have come to realise that I should cut myself the same slack that I cut for others.
39. I have come to realise that even with all the times of pain and darkness, it's still a beautiful world. :')
40. I have come to realise that weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning. It really does! :')

Be Careful What You Wish For...

When we say that we want to know Jesus better, or that we want to be more like Him, I wonder if we really understand what we're saying.

People who rely heavily on Proverbs and the like tend to say that if you live a life of obedience, you will be blessed. And that is part of the truth - God does bless us, wonderfully. But it is not the whole truth, and to believe that it is, you will need to rip out large swathes of your Bible. Job is one book that springs to mind, and some of the Psalms, and parts of Ecclesiastes - not to mention a lot of the prophet books! The prophets were faithful to God when no one else was, yet often suffered horrendously.

And then, there's the New Testament. Look at the lives - and deaths! - of the Apostles. Did that happen because they were unfaithful to God? Of course not! Quite the reverse, in fact. The New Testament teaches that suffering can happen as a direct result of righteousness.

SUFFERING AS CHRISTIANS
Jesus warned the Apostle Paul that he would suffer for the His name (Acts 9:16) - and boy, did he! (2 Cor. 4:8-12). Jesus warned His disciples that they would have tribulation/persecution in the world (John 16:1-4, 33). Paul warned that everyone who wants to live a godly life should expect persecution (2 Tim. 10-12).

In fact, the New Testament is littered with references to suffering for righteousness. I won't attempt an exhaustive list, but here are a few: Rom. 8:35-39; 2 Cor. 1:3-11; 2 Cor. 11:23-29; Phil. 3:7-16; 1 Thess. 1:6-2:8; 2 Thess 1: 5-7; 2 Tim. 2:3-15; Heb. 10:32-36; Heb. 11:35b-38; James 5:10-11; 1 Pet. 1:6-7; 1 Pet. 2:20-25; 1 Pet. 3:14, 17-19; 1 Pet. 4:12-14... enough to be going on with?

WHY?
Why does God allow this to happen to us? I don't want to be glib about this; I know that the things I personally have suffered are nothing compared to what other people suffer, even amongst people I know. But I want to share some of the stuff that has helped me, in the hope that other people may perhaps find it helpful, too.

Last year, things got so bad at one point that I actually did wonder if God was a sadist; and when I was in that place of uncertainty, life did not seem worth living.

What clinched it for me, and brought me back to a place of hope - or at least of hoping that hope would come - was the Cross. What Jesus went through for me and you - not just physically, but carrying the weight of guilt for all human wrong doing - I can't even imagine the suffering involved in that. You don't go through all that for someone just so that you can torment them. You just don't. Where would be the sense?

So if the answer is not that God wants us to suffer, there must be another explanation.

Purpose
One of the most helpful things for me was the idea that my suffering could help others. This idea is mentioned in a number of the passages above, perhaps most notably 2 Cor. 1:4. So if I suffer, and I then help, say, 10, 20, 30 people in similar situations - if my suffering bears fruit, so that others suffer less - then that makes what I went through worthwhile. It has to.

Another idea that helped me a lot was that of entering into the sufferings of Christ. This is also mentioned in several of the references already given. That famous passage in Philippians 3 about 'counting everything as loss for the sake of Christ' and 'pressing on towards the goal' - it all hinges, I believe on verse 10: "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the sharing of His sufferings by becoming like Him in His death..." (emphasis mine).

Do you see that there is a connection between the suffering and the becoming like Him? And there's a connection between the becoming like Him and the knowing - how are we to know the power of His resurrection unless we first experience being like Him in His death?

Which is where we came in. That's what I mean when I say that we pray to know Jesus better and to be more like Him, perhaps without understanding quite what we are asking.

Being Prepared
The early Church was taught to expect these things. We, very often, are not. We are told that if we do right, everything will be lovely and nothing bad will happen to us. And we pray to know Jesus better and to be more like Him - and then, when He does what we asked, our world turns upside down and we become confused, because we were not taught what to expect! 

Is it any wonder that new Christians fall away? We have not been fair to them or done right by them. We have converted them, but we have not taught them what it means to be a disciple. Being a disciple means being prepared to follow your Master wherever He goes, and to be treated as He was (John 15:18-20). It means entering into His life, and being prepared to enter into His death (Mark 8:34-37). Jesus laid that down, right at the very founding of the Christian faith.

SO WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?
Well, firstly, this life is not all there is! 
That is not always the most comforting thought when you're right in the middle of something very painful, because heaven and the 'Age to Come' seem a long way away, and you have to live through this now. And I don't mean to belittle anyone's suffering even a tiny bit - not for a second; but the fact is that there is a lot more of eternity than there is of this life! And when we get there, we will know that it was worth it. We may not understand it all now, but one day we will. And then the pain will stop forever, and all tears will be wiped away.

Secondly, there are times and seasons.
I wanted to say more about this, but I've already gone on longer than I meant to, so I'll do that as a separate post tomorrow. For now, suffice to say that even in this life, it's not all suffering! There are good times, too. I know some people who are due some good times, and I'm praying that those seasons will open up for them.

Thirdly, and by no means least - knowing Jesus is the best thing in the world.
I am absolutely convinced of this. Even now in this life, with all the sufferings and pain, there is nothing that compares with knowing Jesus. There is comfort, peace and joy in knowing Him that cannot be had any other way. And those things are available to us, even at the worst of the bad times. I'm not saying that they're always easy to tap into, and I know I haven't always managed it - so please believe me that I don't mean look down on anyone who isn't in that place right now. But the great hope we have is knowing that they are there and available to us. And He will help us to find them if we let Him.

Finally, we are never alone.
Whatever we are going through, Jesus never, ever asks us to do it alone. I posted a little while ago about Jesus enduring our suffering with us (see post: 'God WITH Us'). That's the flip-side of us entering His sufferings - He also enters into ours. He lives through it all with us. First He suffered for us, to make us His own; now He suffers with us, because we are His own. That is why nothing can separate us from His love (Rom. 8:35-39) - because He chooses to go through it all with us!

All of this is why I love my Jesus! There is no one in the universe like Him. There is no love in the universe like His love. And I could not do without Him.

Heroes

A little while ago, a friend and I had a discussion on Facebook about heroes. She said that women want heroes, and I immediately envisioned a scenario in which all I got to do was twiddle my thumbs in a tower somewhere until rescued. This is not my idea of a good time.

But recently I have been looking into and thinking about the role of heroes in fiction, and I have reached a conclusion: if I am ever to marry - yes, I do want a hero.

In fiction, a hero is someone who may well have faults, issues and short comings - even 'inner demons' - but who addresses these issues over the course of the story. They face the fact that they have these problems, gradually get a handle on them, and then use this new strength to deal with whatever problem they are faced with. This is what makes them a hero. It's called 'character arc'.

In real life, we fall in love with someone, and then we find that he has faults, issues, short comings - perhaps even 'inner demons'. And we wait for him to begin to address these problems. If he does this - though of course it won't be as neat and perfect as in a story - he not only retains our respect, but gains more of our respect than he had before. He becomes a hero in our eyes.

In the past, I seem to have often (though not always) fallen for guys who had no apparent wish to become heroes. I shall be on my guard for this in future. That's one of the things that has clarified for me through this line of thought.

But more important even than that - it has strengthened my resolve to be the hero of my own story.


Let's face it - for Christians, this 'character arc' stuff is where we live; or should be. There will always be things in our lives that need to be dealt with. It is the Holy Spirit who changes us; who causes fruit to grow in our lives (Gal. 5:22-26). But we have to co-operate with Him. We need to address the issues, and be willing to change. We must make the decision to 'crucify' the sinful nature, and to go with the new nature instead.

We should expect this of ourselves. We should also (single people, I mean!) expect it of anyone to whom we feel romantically drawn. We should not expect perfection, either of them or of ourselves; but we should expect a willingness to be made more like Jesus. Of both.

In conclusion, then - gentlemen: Please man up! Be willing to become a hero.

And ladies: Let's woman up! We can be heroes, too. :)

The video below is mostly included just for a laugh (and for the presence of David Tennant!) but I guess the lyrics, if taken figuratively, are broadly true. :)

Feeling Good

The week between Christmas Day and New Year's Day always feels oddly liminal to me. It doesn't feel like part of the old year, and yet it is not part of the year to come, either. This used to be a vague niggle for me, but I find it quite relaxing now. A good time to pause, catch one's breath and take stock, methinks! :)

This year, I'm not making New Year's Resolutions. Instead, I'm thinking in terms of a list of things that I would like to have achieved by this time next year. Goals, rather than 'resolutions'. The word resolution, whilst quite bracing in it's own way, also feels a little daunting. Goals seem a much friendlier concept! :D

Last month, a friend blogged on the subject of having a 'bucket list' - a list of things you want to do or achieve before you 'kick the bucket'. I've been thinking about this quite a lot, and it has impacted on my 2011 goals, which include the following:

THIS TIME NEXT YEAR:
- I want to feel fully myself again, healed up from the crap brought to me by 2010
- I want to have completed my self-help book for people experiencing similar crap
- I want to have made a good, solid chunk of progress on my novel
- I want to have built my health up and feel noticeably stronger than I do now
- I want to have managed my finances into a more stable position

It's a deliberately short list, and a deliberately achievable list. (I'm well on the way to the first item already.) It's even deliberately vague in places! For me, it's all about making progress. As long as I feel that I have made significant progress in those areas, I shall consider it a success.

I have purposely set goals which make me feel energised and enthusiastic, not ones which make me feel threatened or pressured. Goals that I really feel that I shall be able to accomplish. And of course, one can always reassess goals as one goes along. They aren't carved in stone.

2010 has been, as her majesty the Queen once put it, an 'annus horriblis'. But 2011 still lies before me. And I am going to do my best to make it a very good year.

Life will always have challenges and problems, but if God could get me through this year - one of the hardest of my life, if not the hardest - then He can certainly get me through anything else that life throws at me. I am feeling hopeful and positive about the year to come.

I feel that a new chapter is opening in my life. And I'm feeling good. :)

Being Human

' "What," men have asked distractedly from the beginning of time, "what on earth do women want?" I do not know that women, as women, want anything in particular, but as human beings they want, my good men, exactly what you want yourselves: interesting occupation, reasonable freedom for their pleasures, and a sufficient emotional outlet. What form the occupation, the pleasures and the emotion may take, depends entirely upon the individual. You know that this is so with yourselves - why will you not believe that it is so with us...

"Accepted as a human being!" - yes; not as an inferior class and not, I beg and pray all feminists, as a superior class - not in fact, as a class at all, except in a useful context...'

- from the essay "Are Women Human?" in "Unpopular Opinions" by Dorothy L. Sayers

Inspired in large part by the excellent essay I have quoted above, I wrote a poem yesterday... Well, it was supposed to be one poem, but rather interestingly mutated into two of them! :D I wrote the non-rhyming one first, then found a rhyming version coming to mind...

I guess the first version is more serious and the second more light hearted. :) Also, the chiastic structure is more important and comes out more strongly in the first one. They're like non-identical twins: they started out as one 'egg', but they've grown apart since then! :D

Anyway, without more ado:

BEING HUMAN (1)

My purpose is not to please a man
My purpose is not to keep a house
My purpose is not career motherhood
My purpose is not a successful career

I have no wish to manipulate
I have no wish to dominate
I have no wish to lose myself in a family
I have no wish to lose myself in a job

I am not a seductive temptress
I am not a domestic angel
I am not a hardened superwoman
I am not a baby factory

I am a human being

I am a complex individual
I am interested in diverse and disparate things
I am strong in some areas, weaker in others
I am sometimes right and sometimes wrong

I want to live a fulfilling life
I want to complete what God calls me to do
I want to do what I can do well
I want the freedom to be myself

My purpose is to love and please God
My purpose is to enjoy His love and embody it
My purpose is to give to the world what only I can give
My purpose is to become the best version of myself

© Ruth Fanshaw 2010
Composed 20th December 2010

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

BEING HUMAN (2)

I don't exist to please a man,
Wield cleaning cloth and frying pan,
Nor worship kids or a career –
These things are not why I am here!

I don't want to manipulate,
Nor master, rule or dominate.
I do not want to lose myself,
In family or in seeking wealth.

I am no seductive temptress,
Nor angelic household empress;
No machine promotion-taker
Nor a patent baby-maker!

I'm a human, that is all;
With my own life, and my own Call.

I am a complex mix of things:
Of interests, traits and ponderings.
I'm sometimes weak and sometimes strong;
I'm sometimes right and sometimes wrong.

I want fulfilment, just like you:
To do what God wants me to do.
To use my skills and use them well -
The freedom just to be myself!

My purpose is to please my Lord:
To be myself – complete, restored!
To give what only I can give
And show His love by how I live.

© Ruth Fanshaw 2010
Composed 20th December 2010

I hope it will be understood that I am not suggesting that marriage, kids and careers are in themselves bad things! The problem only comes when people (of either gender) imagine that any of these things are their raison d'être.

For myself, I would not rule out marriage if a suitable candidate should apply. :D (There is no such individual in my metaphorical waiting room.) I would like to be a mother, and I would like to be respected in my field and be financially independent. But if I ever get to the point where the person God created me to be gets buried or lost in any of these things... well, I'll just have to get out these poems and remind myself! :D

What Kermit Taught Me...

The following wisdom is quoted directly from the autobiography of the mighty Kermit the Frog, available from Amazon and all good book shops...




WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT BAD THINGS

BAD THINGS HURT
Sometimes the hurt is physical, as when Gonzo misjudges his motorcycle re-entry trajectory and lands on your instep, or when Miss Piggy inflicts a karate chop to your lower lumbar region. Sometimes the hurt goes deeper, as when someone disappoints you or Miss Piggy lands on your instep. In either case, you must try to heal. Let time pass and the hurt will go away, though you may still walk with a limp.






BAD THINGS DON'T MEAN BAD PEOPLE
We are all capable of causing bad things to happen to others; that does not mean we are bad. Even when someone goes out of his way to make bad things happen to people, that doesn't mean he is bad. (But it does mean it might be a good idea to pretend your cell phone just rang and that you have to rush home right away to feed the cockatoos.) We have to give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive them for the hurt they may cause. But bring your cell phone along, just in case.


ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
There are two ways to react to bad things. The easy way is to get angry, cast aspersions, and generally get in a bad mood about the world and everything in it. For an advanced course in this approach, see Statler and Waldorf's classic guide to curmudgeonliness, "How We Learned to Stop Worrying and Start Blaming You". The other way to react takes a lot more work. You can get over it. That's right; accept it, be happy you survived it, and get past it. Then make every effort to prevent bad things from happening to you and to others. (This includes not standing too close to Statler and Walforf.)


WHY WORRY?
The only thing worse than having something bad happen to you is worrying about it beforehand. Constant fretting can make you afraid to face the world or even get up in the morning. Don't be a worry wart. (Not that there's anything wrong with warts; some of my best friends cause warts.)


IF IT WERE EASY, EVERYONE WOULD BE YOU
Overcoming difficult times is what turns you into "you". I wouldn't be me - for better or worse - if Miss Piggy weren't there to make my life, uh... interesting. Fozzie wouldn't be Fozzie if it weren't for the long, hard trek he has made in his rise to the comedic heights, relatively speaking. And who would Gonzo be if it weren't for his constant violations of the laws of gravity, aerodynamics and common sense? We are often at our best when we're facing our worst situations. Know that when you come out of it, you can be a better you.


From "Before You Leap - a Frog's-Eye View of Life's Greatest Lessons" by Kermit the Frog :)



Release your inner muppet... :)
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At His Feet

Well, I am back from my Adventure! :D It was a good time with God, and I have returned feeling refreshed. I feel that I have gained some perspective on the situation, and some distance, which is perhaps as valuable.

Keeping a journal proved an effective way of processing things in my mind. I wrote it every day for the whole three weeks, which is the longest I have ever kept up something like that for! I am going to keep it up now I'm home, I think, though perhaps not every day now.

Sunday was fine. I went up on my mobility scooter rather than getting a lift. This served a number of purposes: it got me some fresh air, which is good for my health! It meant I could arrive at the start and leave at the finish, rather than having to be there extremely early and be the last to go, thus having a stupid amount of time on my hands when there was little to keep me from thinking about the fact that he was there. And it meant I could have time with God on the way there and the way back, with worship music on my MP3 player. I found all of this very helpful. :)

He took the time to greet me and smile on Sunday, which made things easier. After that we kept out of each other's way. I actually thought he was quite tactful and gentlemanly about it, which I'm glad of for his sake. And I didn't feel tense or awkward while I was there, which shows how far God has brought me! :)

I have reached the conclusion that the answer is not to make him (this guy I mean, not God! :D) the focus. He used to be the focus in a positive way - thinking when I would next get to see him and enjoying his company and wotnot. Then, after the Very Horrible Thing, he became the focus in a negative way - worrying about having to see him, and enduring the pain of his presence. I didn't fully realise this while I was in that place, but it now seems so screamingly obvious that I wonder how I could have failed to notice it.

Anyway, while I was away, I gained, as I say, some perspective and distance, and I believe it's important that I hang on to that mindset. I am trying not to slip back into worrying about seeing him, etc, but to simply focus on church as church - time when I can worship God with His people and perhaps do some good to a few people. It was always that as well, but this had somehow ceased to be the central thought in my head; I need to make sure that it is from now on.

And for life in general, my focus must be my relationship with God (obviously!) and getting on with what I ought to be doing - with the Purpose I believe God has for my life. Again, this sense of Purpose got slightly eclipsed somehow... or perhaps I just focused too much on that aspect of what I believed at the time that God wanted... At any rate, I don't believe that he ever eclipsed my relationship with God, or that I ever made an idol out of him. Certainly, I fervently hope that I was never guilty of that!

And as he is no longer to be the focus, the nature of this blog is likely to change somewhat from now on. I shall continue to write about God's faithfulness and healing, but shall probably refer less to this matter itself. I know there are still things that I am working through, but going over and over the same ground doesn't help anyone, and would be counterproductive.

Hmmm... I appear to have written a bit of an essay! :D

I'm going to finish with a song called "At Your Feet" by Casting Crowns. It is really 'the song of my life' at the moment, as a good friend recently put it in her blog. :) It almost feels too personal to share here, but I do so in the hope that it may help and encourage other folk. :)

It really is true that the more fully we surrender to God, the more free we are. Paradoxical, but true! And it brings a deeper peace than can be found or achieved in any other way. I am so thankful to my wonderful God for His faithfulness and grace to me. :')

My Days in His Hands

Well, I have had a really good week! Sarah was brilliant, as always! And it was so good to see her. :) And the scenery was stunning, whether it was in broad sunshine, rain or sea mist. Actually, I think the sea mist was my favourite. :)

God has said so much to me, in so many ways - far too much to put in here!

But I have come away from it all with a sense that this could actually be a really good season in my life - a really special time with God, a time of growth; and also with a feeling of moving into the future with hope and trust in the One who holds all my days in His hands and who knows "what's really out there waiting"; the One to whom "the future is history".

I am going to do my best to make the most of this season and every other season that comes along, and always to drink in 'The Miracle of the moment'. :)

And Part II of my Adventure still lies before me, commencing tomorrow. Again, I don't know if I'll be able to blog for the next couple of weeks, but I'll fill you in once I get back. Have a great fortnight, people! Our God is good and faithful, and He will never let go of your hand. :')
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More on God's Faithfulness...

I feel that tonight was a bit of milestone. Certainly, it was another outstanding example of God's faithfulness...

It was rather like the last Sunday night that I wrote about (see post "My So-Faithful God"), but even more so. His strength in me came through even stronger, and what, in the natural way of things, should have been an ordeal (it was last week! :S) was miraculously transformed into a peaceful victory - not over a person, you understand, but over circumstances and my own sinful nature.

I felt able to be natural and be myself for most of the evening, and to simply throw myself into the worship and enjoy it without many painful twinges... but it went beyond that. I had been praying that God would help me love "in a Jesus-y way" the person who hurt me and did not do right by me; and tonight, He really helped me to take a significant step along that road. I was able to make a gesture to show that I wasn't harbouring a grudge and that I still wished him well. It was only a small gesture, but it was a start! You might say it was one small step in the natural realm, but a giant leap forward in my walk with God! :'D

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this is God at work in me and not 'my own power or goodness'. I know this because of all the times I have failed to do this in my past, including last week! And now I feel quiet and at peace inside, and I know that this, too, is God. Whatever other people may do to let us down or mess us about, He never does. He is always faithful and constant and utterly reliable. And He can bring out this aspect of His character in us (like all the other aspects) more and more as we walk with Him.

I've also been thinking about all the mercy I have received from God, and I want to be able to extend that to this person as well; I don't want to be like the servant in the parable who was cleared of a huge debt and then went and punished his fellow servant because he owed him a fiver. And again, I know absolutely that it is God who is giving me the strength to start along this path; and His grace is sufficient to keep me on it.

I am also very grateful that God is providing a few weeks of respite for me soon; I shall shortly be going on holiday for 3 weeks - the longest holiday of my life! - and the way the opportunities have all come together so quickly has God's goodness written all over it. The very fact that I can afford it is a small miracle in itself! :D

So basically, I am resting in the love and comfort of my Father, and am immensely grateful for His utterly consistent and amazingly generous goodness to me. :')